Tuesday, 2 March 2010

Life in the Fast Lane


ALL my talk about being Miss Marple last week must have had some effect as I'm now several steps closer to becoming a lady d' une certaine age!

Yes, I have been sampling the delights of the Mobility Scooter.

Since I broke my foot and ankle, forays into the world outside my front door have been few and far between. So, when the kids suggested a day-trip to The Museum of London, I was mildly pleased at the prospect. My other half had thoughtfully arranged for us to borrow a wheelchair at the museum.

What could possibly go wrong?

Apparently, the joke was on me. When I arrived at the museum, the desk clerk very helpfully offered to bring out my 'mobility aid'. Seeing her coming back on one of Brian-Potter's finest, I checked behind me to see which of the other mobility-challenged had queue-jumped me. Then the clerk offers to show ME the controls.

I didn't know whether to hold out for the wheelchair or just jump on the tartan-trailbike and pimp my ride! Having decided it was game-on, one twin immediately said 'Mummy, can I pretend I don't know you?'. This particular minor also refuses to walk with us when daddy pulls along his pilot's wheelie-bag. And frankly, who can blame her?

Her twin had other plans. Being autistic, she just saw the fantastic climbing possibilities.

So, some tips then on the art of riding a mobility scooter:

1. They have a pretty wicker basket (handy if Toto is in need of a lift)

2. An alarm sounds when you reverse. It is very loud.

3. You will have to reverse A LOT as the steering is crap.

4. If a child jumps on the back as you're traversing a ramp, it will tip over.

5. People will stare at you (think the opposite of 'Wow, there's Kate Moss')

6. They can go very fast. In a crowded museum this is very good.

7. The accelerator can jam. In a crowded museum this is not very good.

8. It is fun to channel this Goldie Lookin' Chain hit as you drive:

shopmobility, shop, shop, mobility
shopmobility, shop, shop, mobility
shopmobility, that's the one for me
i nicked it from my gran when she was watching tv
I gets to ride round, it's sound, for free
and everybody said, 'he's in the GLC!'

And if all these tips fail, don a scarf & shades a la Jackie O, & pretend you don't know yourself.

Finally, a note to my other half: NEVER EVER try this trick again.....you have been warned!!!

18 comments:

  1. I think all that can be said is that is by far the best post I have read all day! Fantastic!

    At least its an experience! You dont do that every day! :D

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  2. Right then, I'll be back to comment after I clean the tea that I spat out all over my screen when I burst out laughing (lol) Jen.

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  3. Oh Rach...that is the funniest thing I've read in ages. Made me laugh in a very unladylike way.

    LBB x

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  4. Oh I wish you'd taken a picture of yourself on the scooter. That would have been too too funny! x

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  5. There is NO photographic evidence of my misadventures and I'm keen to keep it that way LOL! x

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  6. Brian Potter - don't you just love him haha! Can picture you now!

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  7. Sounds like great fun, think I would feign injury to get a go. xx

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  8. I can only echo the other comments on here so far - funniest thing I have read for ages!

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  9. ha ha, brilliant! Absolutely hilarious!

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  10. ROFL. I think I want to take my Mum she is rubbish at driving these things and it would be fun to annoy the other Museum go-ers!

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  11. Very funny! I must say I'm always a bit scared of old ladies in those things. They're like broomsticks with a motor! Very well written and made me laugh!

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  12. That's hilarious - I can't imagine anything more fun than whizzing round a museum on a mobility scooter. Mind you I can't even control a moped properly.

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  13. Hi Rachel!

    I've just popped over from BMB when I saw your recent forum post.

    I think your blog is great, so just keep doing what you are doing, and your followers will grow! :)

    This post made me LOL!! :D

    I'm also a Mum of Twins. I'd love you to stop by my blog. I take part in a meme called Twin Tuesday, which you might like to take part in.

    Annette
    www.mammakerr.com

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  14. Ha. We live near Eastbourne on the South Coast and you've finally explained why all the mobility scooters seems to be driven by nutters - it's the jammed accelerator!

    I just throught they were traffic hazards with no road sense.....

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  15. hilarious Rachel!!

    So glad you decided to put this out there. What (mis) adventures eh?!

    Amelia.x

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  16. Thankyou everybody for your comments, I've been laughing my way through them.....must say this experience is way funnier in the telling than when it's happening!!!
    xx

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  17. Hi Rach - I borrowed one of those from Chatsworth when I crocked my achilles years back!! Ask Nat how embarassing it was walking me round the grounds of Chatsworth in it!! People asked her if I was alright!!

    Lesley xx

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  18. Respect Rae - hope you win the award.
    Sxx

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