Tuesday, 2 March 2010

Life in the Fast Lane

ALL my talk about being Miss Marple last week must have had some effect as I'm now several steps closer to becoming a lady d' une certaine age!

Yes, I have been sampling the delights of the Mobility Scooter.

Since I broke my foot and ankle, forays into the world outside my front door have been few and far between. So, when the kids suggested a day-trip to The Museum of London, I was mildly pleased at the prospect. My other half had thoughtfully arranged for us to borrow a wheelchair at the museum.

What could possibly go wrong?

Apparently, the joke was on me. When I arrived at the museum, the desk clerk very helpfully offered to bring out my 'mobility aid'. Seeing her coming back on one of Brian-Potter's finest, I checked behind me to see which of the other mobility-challenged had queue-jumped me. Then the clerk offers to show ME the controls.

I didn't know whether to hold out for the wheelchair or just jump on the tartan-trailbike and pimp my ride! Having decided it was game-on, one twin immediately said 'Mummy, can I pretend I don't know you?'. This particular minor also refuses to walk with us when daddy pulls along his pilot's wheelie-bag. And frankly, who can blame her?

Her twin had other plans. Being autistic, she just saw the fantastic climbing possibilities.

So, some tips then on the art of riding a mobility scooter:

1. They have a pretty wicker basket (handy if Toto is in need of a lift)

2. An alarm sounds when you reverse. It is very loud.

3. You will have to reverse A LOT as the steering is crap.

4. If a child jumps on the back as you're traversing a ramp, it will tip over.

5. People will stare at you (think the opposite of 'Wow, there's Kate Moss')

6. They can go very fast. In a crowded museum this is very good.

7. The accelerator can jam. In a crowded museum this is not very good.

8. It is fun to channel this Goldie Lookin' Chain hit as you drive:

shopmobility, shop, shop, mobility
shopmobility, shop, shop, mobility
shopmobility, that's the one for me
i nicked it from my gran when she was watching tv
I gets to ride round, it's sound, for free
and everybody said, 'he's in the GLC!'

And if all these tips fail, don a scarf & shades a la Jackie O, & pretend you don't know yourself.

Finally, a note to my other half: NEVER EVER try this trick again.....you have been warned!!!


  1. I think all that can be said is that is by far the best post I have read all day! Fantastic!

    At least its an experience! You dont do that every day! :D

  2. Right then, I'll be back to comment after I clean the tea that I spat out all over my screen when I burst out laughing (lol) Jen.

  3. Oh Rach...that is the funniest thing I've read in ages. Made me laugh in a very unladylike way.

    LBB x

  4. Oh I wish you'd taken a picture of yourself on the scooter. That would have been too too funny! x

  5. There is NO photographic evidence of my misadventures and I'm keen to keep it that way LOL! x

  6. Brian Potter - don't you just love him haha! Can picture you now!

  7. Sounds like great fun, think I would feign injury to get a go. xx

  8. I can only echo the other comments on here so far - funniest thing I have read for ages!

  9. ha ha, brilliant! Absolutely hilarious!

  10. ROFL. I think I want to take my Mum she is rubbish at driving these things and it would be fun to annoy the other Museum go-ers!

  11. Very funny! I must say I'm always a bit scared of old ladies in those things. They're like broomsticks with a motor! Very well written and made me laugh!

  12. That's hilarious - I can't imagine anything more fun than whizzing round a museum on a mobility scooter. Mind you I can't even control a moped properly.

  13. Hi Rachel!

    I've just popped over from BMB when I saw your recent forum post.

    I think your blog is great, so just keep doing what you are doing, and your followers will grow! :)

    This post made me LOL!! :D

    I'm also a Mum of Twins. I'd love you to stop by my blog. I take part in a meme called Twin Tuesday, which you might like to take part in.


  14. Ha. We live near Eastbourne on the South Coast and you've finally explained why all the mobility scooters seems to be driven by nutters - it's the jammed accelerator!

    I just throught they were traffic hazards with no road sense.....

  15. hilarious Rachel!!

    So glad you decided to put this out there. What (mis) adventures eh?!


  16. Thankyou everybody for your comments, I've been laughing my way through them.....must say this experience is way funnier in the telling than when it's happening!!!

  17. Hi Rach - I borrowed one of those from Chatsworth when I crocked my achilles years back!! Ask Nat how embarassing it was walking me round the grounds of Chatsworth in it!! People asked her if I was alright!!

    Lesley xx

  18. Respect Rae - hope you win the award.


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