Saturday, 13 February 2010

Ten Surreal Moments

This post is in response to the British Mummy Bloggers Carnival (writing competition) organised by Carly who writes the blog Wives & Daughters. The challenge is to think of your Top Ten Surreal Mummy Moments! So here are a few of mine......

The very FIRST thing that comes to mind is the day I found out I was going to be a mum. I was chatting away with my husband at the scan, having been told that the baby was fine. But then the sonographer leaned over and asked if I had twins in the family which I thought was rather odd until she turned the screen round and said 'because there are three babies in there'. I just dissolved- TRIPLETS!!!! How would I ever cope?

The SECOND surreal event was the birth. Having been booked in for a planned Caesarean, it was rather odd turning up and booking in: 'Hello I've come to have my babies'. Like checking in at a really grotty hotel! Three babies had sadly become two. I remember hearing a baby cry as they lifted it up and saying 'It's a baby!'. It seems strange now that I would have been shocked: you'd have thought the penny would've dropped after nine months.....

The THIRD thing which can't pass without comment is the size of me before I gave birth. I had water retention and lost almost 3 ½ stone during the Caesarean! I looked pretty normal from the front but from the side it was total eclipse of the Sun...

FOURTHLY, having both babies in admitted to hospital in the same week (one on Valentines Day) at the age of nine-months. One had bronchiolitis with severe breathing difficulties, the other had bacterial meningitis and septicaemia. Quite serious, but thankfully they're both fighting fit now.

Baby Reggae in Brixton is the FIFTH thing which comes to mind. Rasta Santa in his black taxi- brilliant!

SIXTHLY, being used to being accosted in every supermarket/ shop/doctor's surgery/ street by people asking are they twins/Buy-one-get-one-free? And then the inevitable cavalcade of questions: Breast or Bottle? Natural Birth? Identical or Non-Identical? (Er no, ones dark and one's blonde- who was bunking off O-level biology then, eh?) But while these (quite personal!) questions were the norm, the most surreal one was from the lady who stopped me in Marks & Sparks & asked if they were had the same dad??????? I've since been told that this IS biologically possible (don't ask!)....but I don't quite think that was ther gist!

The SEVENTH thing I can't forget is returning on a 12 hour night-flight from California after a family wedding when the twins were sixteen-months old. Everything started well with people cooing over them. But the attention soon turned hostile when they started screaming. In Stereo. And didn't stop for the rest of the flight. Happily, my memory of the event is slightly blurred by the alcohol that the lovely gay flight attendant kept plying me with from the First class cabin!!

Number EIGHT: I went up to the loo. I came down. Two tots were sitting on the floor with a bottle of Jack Daniels, which they'd poured into two glasses. One twin held up the glass at me and said 'Nice'. (Please don't call Social Services!!!)

I still cringe when I recall number NINE. They were three. We needed shoes. Everyone else's single kids had long stopped using the buggy, so I thought I'd better wean them off it. BIG MISTAKE!!! Both decided they didn't want shoes, ran out of the shop, and off into the crowds in opposite directions. Which one should I chase first? I ran for the nearest one who then started screaming 'You're not my mummy' and shrieking as if I was about to kill her. I was nearly in tears as I couldn't find the other twin and then looked up to find a police officer asking if he could help me?

Number TEN has to be the day they locked me out of the house. They were three. I went to put the rubbish, out taking my key in case the door slammed. When I turned the key in the lock, I realised that they'd deadbolted the door against me. I could see one child through the letterbox (who refused to open the door). The other twin was nowhere to be seen and wouldn't answer me. After the frantic involvement of neighbours and phoning locksmiths (who were too busy!), my mother's instinct took over and I managed to kick the door down and discovered the other twin sitting by the open freezer having slyly consumed several tubs of ice-cream.

I feel quite exhausted having related these tales of my domestic chaos, so I'll put my virtual pen down now......thanks for reading.



  1. Hi Rachel,

    Great post, very funny and totally put me off parenthood for life!

    In the words of Jason Manford, the tough thing about having twins is deciding which one you like!

  2. This has is a great post, wish I could think of 10, mind you if I tried I am sure I could! Thanks for sharing. I have left you an award over at my blog

  3. oh wow, some of those really are surreal. Different dads (silly person who asked that), jack daniels, locking you out of the house, what a pair!! Jen.

  4. I've nevr been locked out but I know it's coming. Nice post.

  5. hi there,

    well, well, I need a drink of jack after just reading this. Sky high stress levels must have been going on several times over for you. Entertaining writing!


  6. Hi Rachel, Just popped by to place my vote and read your blog....great writing,inspirational, touching, witty and amusing....thank you, and keep it up! ....Sue x


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